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I was interested January 9, 2010

Posted by Fiona in Big things, Breaking the fourth wall.
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This webcomic.

Sometimes I wonder if I want kids, or if I want to feel grown-up and vitally important to somebody.

I wonder how many doctors these days would say what this one is saying.

Most of the readers of this blog are, I believe, not mums.  One day I’ll ask a mother who isn’t a relative of mine exactly why.  And I’ll ask someone else who isn’t a relative why not.

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1. Dickie - January 9, 2010

I guess the point is that it’s a fairly major decision and one that the person could want to reverse at a later date. I suppose the same could be said for actually having a kid, but I think there’s probably a distinction to be made between the two.

2. Fefe - January 9, 2010

I think I understand where the doctor is coming on from this point, and I believe most doctors wouldn’t (or couldn’t) say that you’re too young, but perhaps would persuade you to take more time to think about it.

Given the chaotic nature of life, it’s hard to say that at 24 you’d know for certain whether you truely want children or not. A process so difficult to reverse could end up being regrettable. That said, having children could also be regrettable, but I have yet to meet a parent who regrets having a child.

However, the doctor claiming that adopting wouldn’t be the same is a bit of a back-handed comment 🙂

3. Jenny - January 10, 2010

My mother never wanted kids, not for years, and then around the time she met my dad, she suddenly felt that biological imperative to do so. And so she had children. Even if I definitely didn’t want kids at this point, and thought I wouldn’t in the future, just from that one example alone I would never have my tubes tied. As it is, meanwhile, I do want kids, and I do want to feel grown-up and vitally important to someone. Not necessarily now but definitely some day. Sadly that Someone’s fucked right off into the wild blue yonder, trailing terrible excuses and real confusion in his wake.

4. luciainfurs - January 10, 2010

Somehow I almost view this as a kind of stopper to maturity. As if by physical commitment to this mindset I’ll be able to keep it for the rest of my life. Because I know I’m not very bright, or practical or responsible, but right now, obviously, I love it. It seems tempting to have my current, comfortable (if naive) self decide to stop future-me having children. If I ever decided to have children, it’ll be a sign that everything that I like me now is gone, or at least distorted.
Oddly, I suppose you could call this repulsion at reproduction a survival instinct.

5. Jenny - January 11, 2010

Yes, but you know that future-you will like future-you better than she likes current-you — *you* (for that is who future-you is/will be) will be even more happy and fulfilled (promise) upon reaching adulthood, ticking biological clock and all. I used to like myself when I was younger for being wild and spontaneous and uncontrollable, but actually I far prefer being who I am now – responsible, mature (up to a point), calm, and able to have fun without setting fire to the limelight… . Nothing wrong with being young and interesting; but what takes a while to realise is that there’s also nothing wrong with being older and wiser.


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