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Saccharine cheerfulness September 21, 2009

Posted by Fiona in Knitting, Lovely people, Sheer bloody-mindedness.

Marcus left this morning.  I feel a little bit bleak.  I’m just waiting now.  It feels too early, to me, to be packing things away, because if I pack too early then I have to sit in a room with things packed up around me, and that would be unbearable.

As it is, I’m off a week yesterday; Mum and I are travelling most of the way up on Sunday, then spending Monday in the town where she grew up, probably looking at fabric shops and walking through gardens and eating cinnamon toast.  I love it when we take our time going up to Durham.  I love ‘us’ time with my mum.  I don’t get it so often these days, because she works so hard and so do I.  And then on Tuesday, we’ll actually make it as far as Durham, and do a bit of shopping, and wander round, and then she’ll go off home and, knowing me, I’ll shut myself in my room and not talk to anyone for a day and take all of my things out of suitcases and put them around the walls, and then just sit there for a bit because I won’t really know what to do next.

I don’t want to go back to feeling like I did last year. It wasn’t very nice at the time and I spent a long time shut away trying to deal with it, and a long time overworking myself to pretend that there was nothing to have to deal with.

Onwards and upwards, though.  Onwards and upwards.  And let us all try to keep ourselves together, and have something to say, and to all round be consumed by saccharine cheerfulness and joy for the shininess and fluffiness of the world.  For shiny and fluffy it most undoubtedly is at the moment: the sun is blazing away and I have water biscuits and breadsticks and Toblerone, and a shawl on the needles that I’ve designed myself from scratch and still – joy! – smells of lanolin.  (I adore it.)  And, of course, Stephen Fry is reading Harry Potter in the background, and he is gleefully Horcrux-hunting in the Ministry of Magic.  So it’s a lovely day, really.  And if I don’t realise it at the moment have no fear, I shall soon eat, knit and vegetate my way out of it.

What am I turning into?!



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