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Empty house August 20, 2009

Posted by Fiona in Durham, Small things.
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So, I’m up in Durham again, and it was really lovely and uplifting to come into the city on the train – the view of Durham from the viaduct is definitely one of my favourites.  And then, seconds – I kid you not –   before I got off the train it started hammering it down so I walked up the hill to the house, in the rain, hot and flustered and with my back killing from carrying too much, but on the phone to a familiar voice.  Nothing like a bit of gentle one-upmanship to make you feel better when suddenly a day has taken a turn for the worse.  And then I got back.

This house is really, empty.  There’s nothing in it.  There’s nobody in it except me.  None of the rooms have any personality at all in them, because nobody’s put it there yet.  I really, really don’t like it.  I can’t think of it as home at the moment, because it hasn’t got people in it, or things, or anything.  It’s like it’s sucking all the life out of me.  I know the spaces I live in are never really the tidiest but there’s something so comforting about clutter that I’ve put all the things I’ve brought into the sitting room and sat in it myself – it still looks bare, but, well, it could be barer.

At Winchester station this morning, just as I was about to go through the barrier onto the platform, Mum gave me a present.  Just a small one, but it made me smile very much.

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It’s nothing very big at all, but I can’t think of anything that would have touched me more, in the circumstances.  She knows I always have to have a pencil on me, and that I can’t abide them being anything except for so sharp you get stabbed through five layers of clothing, and that I’m forever losing my pencil sharpeners.  It’s the little things that get you, sometimes.  I don’t really want to be here, you know.  I want to be at home.

My congratulations to everyone who got their A-level results today.  If you did particularly well, that’s fantastic.  But either way, you’ve got through something that is about as stressful as life gets.  Today was A Big Thing, you know.  I was so proud, when I got my results, to think that A Big Thing had happened to me, and that it hadn’t mashed me to a pulp.  You should be proud too.  All the people I know who’ve got their results, I’m really proud of them, and proud to know them.

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Comments»

1. Flix - August 21, 2009

STMTM 🙂

2. standingonthebrink - August 21, 2009

come and visit us in Sheffield – I believe Laura’s coming up too, so honestly, come and see us. Lots of space to sleep in, if you bring a sleeping bag, and it would be lovely lovely lvoely to see you 🙂 xxx

stitchthisdarling - August 21, 2009

I would! But I have an exam on Monday morning and I really ought to do as much as I can for it… then I’m going back on Monday afternoon. Sorry, love. Are you up in Sheffield for the rest of the holiday now then? I shall visit you as soon as I’m back up for term, haven’t been to Sheffield in ages… x

3. Alex - September 10, 2009

Fear not – I have many posters to make my room nice and colourful! x

stitchthisdarling - September 10, 2009

HAH! Alex, have you been reading this all along or have you only just found it?! x

Alex - September 12, 2009

Have been reading the MSN one occasionally and then perused this one as you suggested and saw this entry. Any news on results? x


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